I need to lose 20 lbs. to fit into that sweater...

And 10 lbs. (okay maybe 15) to wear that jacket.

Oh! I love that suit! I can't wait to wear it again. Maybe after 3 months in the gym.

Uh huh...


This is not about weight loss. I won't go there. Maybe one day, but not tonight.

Tonight, it is time to go into your closet (or closets if you are very lucky). I started on Tuesday. Wednesday I was busy with other things, but tonight I am headed back in to finish a closet (if not, my room is going to be quite the mess on Shabbos).

Remove everything. EVERYTHING. Really, everything.

Get a rag (or 7) and start spritzing away. Wipe down every surface. Now get the vacuum . Vacuum the bottom. Don't forget the corners.

Take a step back and admire your work. Inhale the fresh smell. Look at this amazingly clean closet. Emptying and cleaning shouldn't take you long at all.

Now turn around. Mount Everest right in your bedroom. Now comes the hard part...putting it all back.

(At this point you need to think about the following before you proceed...this is only hard the first time. I promise. After the first year of good spring closet cleaning, it will get easier.)

The following takes a lot of discipline for you closet hoarders out there. With each item you pick up from the heaping mound of clothes, you must ask yourself the following question:

HAVE I WORN THIS IN THE PAST YEAR?

You can't lie. You can't make excuses. You need to be honest.

If the answer to the above question is "no", you need to say good-bye. Au revoir. Sayonara. Adois. Auf Wiedersehen. Shalom.

If the answer is "yes", return it to the closet. The "no"s should be put into trash bags. Donate to an organization that gives you a tax-deduction. Give them to a gemach. (Only current styles, please. No gemach wants your large-print, indigo and plaid over-sized sweater you once wore with teased hair and frosted pink lipstick.) Do something with them, but get them out of your closet.

I know this is causing heart palpitations. I know some of you are trying to convince yourselves that you are really going to lose all that weight this year and get back into those clothes.

Really? You know when those pounds are shed you are no way going to wear that skirt again. You are definitely buying a new skirt. And shirt to match. Really you are.

Post your issues with closet cleaning. Let's come up with a solution. I am going to finish closet #1 right now. My bags are ready.